


Tough to be Tender

by rasengan



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, M/M, idk the background is vague, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-24 09:05:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10738524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rasengan/pseuds/rasengan
Summary: Hanamiya has a hard time expressing his emotions.





	Tough to be Tender

Hanamiya has finally done it. He has pushed Kiyoshi to his limit. Should he even be surprised? Even as a couple - if they can even call themselves that when they have never truly spoken about what they mean to each other - Hanamiya's seldom moments of warmth are masked by crude insults and snide comments. He doesn't _do_ affection. Not like Kiyoshi.

Three days pass of unreturned texts and countless missed phone calls.

Hanamiya never once assumed himself to be the type of person to chase after someone, to beg for attention. He hardly manages to reply to other's texts on a good day, but now he is hovering over his phone like a teenager, checking the screen every few minutes for some sign that Kiyoshi still wants him. He nearly chucks his phone through the wall when it finally lights up with a message from Hara.

\---

"What do I mean to you?"

"Huh?" Hanamiya looks at Kiyoshi with both of his thick brows arched in surprise. The question comes out of nowhere. They are both stretched across Kiyoshi's couch on opposite sides with their legs tangling in the middle. It's their usual Tuesday night: Hanamiya is reading a book while Kiyoshi is finishing up his homework, but Kiyoshi sets down his pencil and watches Hanamiya.

He repeats himself, looking antsy. "What do I mean to you? What are _we_?"

"I don't know. You're a good fuck, if that counts for anything."

"I'm being serious, Hanamiya."

Kiyoshi pulls his legs away and Hanamiya should know something is wrong, but he doesn't relent. "So am I," he replies with a smirk. Kiyoshi's frown deepens and for some reason Hanamiya can't stop himself from continuing, words spilling out of him like vomit. He knows he needs to give Kiyoshi something, but instead he does the opposite. "What do you want me to say? _'You're the light of my life, Kiyoshi. Every time we aren't together, I'm thinking about when I'll see you next.'_ That shit is pathetic."

That's it. Kiyoshi gently lifts Hanamiya's legs, slides out from under him, and leaves the apartment. His own fucking apartment. For several minutes, Hanamiya feels too stunned to move. He expects Kiyoshi to return at any moment, but minute after minute passes in silence. The sky goes from a sherbet orange to black and Hanamiya is still listening intently for footsteps approaching the front door.

Nearly two hours pass before Hanamiya gets up and leaves.

\---

He hasn't heard a word from Kiyoshi since.

They spend so much time together that Hanamiya knows Kiyoshi's schedule, though. He is tired of waiting around for Kiyoshi's reply, tired of constantly feeling on edge, so decides to take matters into his own hands. Saturday mornings are when Kiyoshi wakes up atrociously early to play basketball with his old Seirin friends. He always returns to the apartment for a hot shower to ease his muscles. Hanamiya thinks back fondly on memories of joining Kiyoshi in the shower, sleepily murmuring insults about how Kiyoshi reeks of sweat as he kisses along Kiyoshi's jaw. He hates the way his heart aches.

It is almost alarmingly easy to find Kiyoshi's spare key and sneak into his apartment during the window of time Hanamiya knows he will be out with friends. He slinks onto the couch and sighs. He has been in Kiyoshi's apartment too many times to count - hell, he practically lives there - but it feels like the first time all over again.

What feels like hours by, but one glance at Hanamiya's phone screen tells him that his has only been waiting for a maximum of thirty minutes before he hears a tell-tale jingle of keys at the front door. He wipes the sweat off his palms as he watches the front door open. Kiyoshi walks in and toes out of his shoes before glancing up to notice Hanamiya standing there, staring at him.

Kiyoshi looks stunned. "What-- How'd you get in here?"

"You shouldn't keep your spare key under your mat, idiot." Hanamiya tries to play it cool. He walks over to Kiyoshi's front door and closes it before Kiyoshi has the chance to run away again.

"I think you should leave."

Hanamiya crosses his arms over his chest, a sure sign that he isn't going anywhere. "I think you should give me an explanation."

"Why? I'm just a 'good fuck' to you, so I don't owe you anything."

"You know that's not what I meant," Hanamiya scoffs.

"Do I?" Kiyoshi shoots back, his gaze now narrow and scrutinizing. He takes a step forward and reaches his arm out to stretch his palm flat against the door, cornering Hanamiya. "Tell me what I mean to you, Hanamiya. Tell me or it's over. I'm not going to stay with someone who doesn't return my feelings."

"This is ridiculous."

Kiyoshi's jaw tenses. He lets his hand drop to his side. Hanamiya has never seen Kiyoshi so filled with rage before, and he considers himself an expert at pushing Kiyoshi's buttons. "Leave, Hanamiya. Get the fuck out."

Hanamiya's eyes widen. He wants Kiyoshi to hit him, almost tells Kiyoshi to do it. He deserves the pain, but the dejected look on Kiyoshi's face hurts a million times more than any punch ever could.

"Wait! Just... Just fucking wait one fucking second." Hanamiya's whole body feels so tense that every movement feels like a twitch. There is a tightness in his chest that threatens to break him down at any moment, like an entire body is resting on his rib cage. "God dammit, Kiyoshi, what do you want to hear? That I love you? That I'm so fucking deep into this that I don't know how to live without you? That I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone? You already know all this shit, so why do you need to hear it?" Kiyoshi knows all of his darkest secrets, all of his traumas and faults. Wasn't the time they spent together, the things they told each other, enough for Kiyoshi to tell that he was important?

Kiyoshi seems to relax a little. "I can't read your mind," he replies tiredly. He let's his head drop to Hanamiya's shoulder. "I need to hear that you take this as seriously as I do. You've got your walls built so high that it's hard to tell how you feel. Hard to tell if you even like me sometimes. You have to let me in more."

"I'm sorry," Hanamiya replies, wrapping an arm around Kiyoshi's waist. He is emotionally exhausted and wants nothing more than to lay in bed with Kiyoshi for the rest of the day. Kiyoshi has dark circles under his eyes that let Hanamiya know he likely feels the same way. "I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> not my best work but hey practice makes perfect and u know when you have an idea you can't get out of ur head so you have to do st with it?? that's this. 
> 
> lol someone teach me how to end fics properly pls. i'm trying to write more often so i get better at it, so any feedback it appreciated!!


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